If it so happened in your life that you happened to connect your life with a person who received little love in childhood, then you need to make every effort to fill the void in his soul that formed in childhood. Of course, this is not easy - it may take more than one year until he gains confidence in you and feels like a happy person. Most importantly, don't give up.
1. To get started, seek advice from a psychologist or psychotherapist, depending on the severity of deviations in behavior. Describe in detail to him the situation, manifestations of "dislike", what you managed to learn about the person's childhood. The specialist will give you recommendations on how to behave in a given situation. Perhaps, over time, you will be able to persuade your loved one to take part in trainings or attend individual sessions with a psychologist.
2. Try to earn his trust. In no case should your words diverge from actions. The slightest deceit and trust will be lost forever. Let him know that you are the most reliable person in his life, you will never betray him, deceive him, or reject him. We repeat, not only words, but also actions should speak about this.
3. Surround him with your attention and care. He must feel your love to the fullest. Tell him more often about how you love him, how you need him, that he is irreplaceable. Over time, the void created in childhood will be filled with your love.
4. Do not tire of repeating that you believe in him. This is necessary in order to increase his self-esteem and give an incentive to action. Praise him for any achievements, notice all the successes, do not doubt his strength, support, encourage. He just needs to be believed.
5. Try to understand him, talk to him about his childhood, about what hurt him, offended, worried. Perhaps you will succeed and he will understand that in fact his parents loved him very much, but due to some life circumstances they could not pay more attention to him.
It is very important that he understand this and forgive his parents. If they are still alive, then you can invite them to dinner and talk heart to heart.
If you show patience and true love, then over time you will be able to fill the void in the soul of your loved one, earn his trust and give him true happiness.
What are the consequences of "disliked" in the lives of women?
The girl has the most important role model, the most true friend and the adviser is the mother. If the girl does not receive her portion of love, then a woman grows out of her with a huge number of complexes that prevent her from living a full life. How can this manifest itself?
Difficulties arise in personal life. Having become close to a man, she expects betrayal from him throughout the relationship, suspects him of betrayal, constantly accuses him of not paying enough attention to her, no matter how reverently he treats her.Most often, women do not stop at one man. They constantly start new novels, but every time something does not suit them. With their endless throwing, they seem to be trying to make up for the lack of parental love.
Relationships with their own children do not add up. There are two possible scenarios here. A woman either copies her own mother's behavior model and shows coldness towards children, or idolizes them, spoils them, pouring all her immoderate love on them, as a result of which they often grow up dependent, selfish.
Unloved women suffer from low self-esteem, lack of love and self-respect. Here the installation, laid down in deep childhood, is triggered - the lack of praise and encouragement from the side of the mother. If her parents didn't love her, then there's no reason for that.
For the most part, they are closed and unsociable, they have few friends, they hardly make new contacts. And all because they do not believe in people, their sincerity and honesty.
Girls who did not receive enough love and tactile sensations from their parents until the age of 6 often grow up frigid. Touching them does not touch or even cause hostility.
This is not a complete list of problems that may accompany a woman who was “unloved” in childhood.
What are the consequences of "dislike" in the lives of men?
With boys, parents usually treat them more strictly, in the hope of growing a real man out of him. But at the same time, they often choose the wrong line of behavior, and the boy develops a persistent deficit of parental love. Its effects carry over into adulthood. Most men who lacked love in childhood have low self-esteem. They do not have ambition and desire to make a brilliant career. They do not believe in themselves and sincerely believe that they are failures. Such men often close in on themselves and direct all the aggression towards themselves - they start smoking, drinking, and getting involved in drugs.
Deprived of parental love, men do not monitor their appearance - they prefer to hide in the crowd from prying eyes with a gray shadow. The other extreme is stress eating. Everyone knows that a person gets pleasure from food, in our case, men replace the lack of love with tasty and plentiful food.
In personal life, too, not everything is smooth. A man completely repeats the scenario he has already seen once - his wife most often looks like a mother, and he himself subconsciously copies the behavior of his father. Often, trusting relationships in the family do not arise at all, and they are kept only on sex.
Many men become real ladies' man. Trying to make up for the lack of love, they change partners all their lives, enter into casual relationships, deserve the title of conqueror of women's hearts, but remain deeply unhappy.
In addition to all of the above, there are a number of psychiatric disorders that are directly related to the lack of parental love in childhood. Psychiatrists say that many violence, serial crimes are committed by such people.
Where does "dislike" come from?
There may be other life situations that will make the child feel abandoned, unnecessary to anyone. As a rule, the consequences of these childhood stresses are also manifested in adulthood.
If the mother is very passionate about her career or is the only breadwinner for her child, then she may not have enough time and energy to show love for her child. She undoubtedly loves him, tries to give him everything, provide him with healthy food, good clothes, toys, but behind the veil of problems she forgets to give the child the main thing - her love.
The mother pays enough attention to the child, devotes a lot of time to him, but the temperament of the child is such that he needs even more love. In this case, even with the constant presence of the mother nearby, the child will experience a lack of love.
The presence of a family member in need of permanent care. For example, an elderly sick grandmother, with whom the mother is forced to spend all her time. It also contributes to the development of a love deficit in the child.
Wrong approach to education. Sometimes mothers use the "forbidden trick" - they threaten to deprive the child of their love for disobedience and bad behavior. It would seem that this is so? But the child perceives all the information coming from the parents literally and is actually afraid of losing maternal love for a fault.
Family quarrels between parents also make you feel unnecessary, when they are so immersed in the process of sorting out the relationship that they forget that the baby is next to them and does not feel very good at that moment.
It may also be that the mother simply does not realize that she is making the child worse. For example, overprotective mothers sincerely believe that they give their child all the love that is in their heart, but in fact it only suppresses the personality of the child, violates healthy formation his personality.
Some mothers attribute their desires and feelings to their children. For example, he does not understand that the child is hungry and instead of feeding him, he dresses him in warm clothes, believing that he is cold. The inability to distinguish and "hear" the needs of one's child as a result is also perceived by an adult child as a lack of love.
Almost all psychological problems originate from childhood. The unloved child syndrome provokes the appearance of problems in communication, self-doubt, the development of an inferiority complex and many other problems. Coldness on the part of parents is the main reason that makes a person unhappy.
Lack of parental love in childhood leads to complications in adulthood
Concept definition
In adult life, unloved children themselves become parents who also do not know how to provide their children with the right level of support. It turns out a vicious circle. The baby begins to feel whether he is loved or not, while still in the womb. After birth, the baby gets stressed by losing physical contact with the mother. This loss can be compensated by tactile contact and attachment to the chest.
The position of an adult in society depends entirely on how confident the child is in the love of his parents. This statement is explained very simply. At the age of 5 years, parents are the authority and support. The kid believes everything they tell him. The baby's mom and dad are associated with the whole world, he sees the world through their eyes. Their relationship to the child gives or selects the mechanisms of self-preservation. If the mechanism is broken, in adult life a person will be forced to look for a partner similar to one of the parents in order to fill the missing gap.
What does it lead to
Dislike affects self-esteem. The kid perceives himself only through the prism of the vision of the parents. As they grow up, when children already have the ability to logical thinking, the behavior of parents contributes to the appearance in the brain of statements that sound like this: "If my own parents do not love me, no one will ever love me again." Over time, this stereotype is strengthened in the subconscious and makes you feel inferior, avoid communication with children. Not receiving signals from the world that someone needs him, the individual begins to subconsciously strive for death.
The individual, instead of concentrating on the colors of life, tries with all his might to overcome the fears, feelings and complexes that have settled in his soul. Such a person tries all his life to prove to the world, including himself, his importance, not believing in it even for a gram.
Often, having received less affection, children try to attract the attention of adults with unfavorable actions. Naturally, such actions are followed by punishment, and then the regret of the parents, the manifestation of which the child observes in affection. Punishment after affection provokes the appearance in the child's brain centers of a feeling of pleasure from negativity, so he develops a certain line of behavior. Sometimes such behavior leads to drug addiction or alcohol addiction, the child is used to being put to shame for an unseemly act, and then they will regret and take care of him, making sure that he does not do it again. In addition to psychological conflicts, there are also physical ones.
With a lack of tactile touch, the child begins to negatively perceive his body. V adolescence this begins to manifest itself through phobias such as the fear of mirrors and cameras.
Sometimes a child stops caring completely about the state of his body, thinking that everyone is disgusted by it anyway. Unloved teenagers who make excessive demands on themselves believe that their body is a continuous accumulation of flaws, so they urgently need to correct the shape of their nose, eyebrows, change the color and length of their hair. We can see many such examples among the stars of world show business. Self-doubt and the pursuit of the standard of beauty contribute to the appearance on the stage of an increasing number of stars similar to the Barbie doll and Ken.
How does it manifest
An unloved child, having matured, will see himself as an inferior person, so the behavior of notorious people is immediately noticeable. Below we will consider 7 signs that betray children in adults who were not loved in childhood.
- Lack of trust. Dislike leaves a heavy residue behind, therefore, as an adult, such a person will never trust the people around him, even his soulmate and children. From childhood, the individual was instilled with the understanding that you can only rely on yourself.
- moral poverty. The consequences of dislike in an adult are manifested in the form of moral poverty. Everything that a person is interested in is material values, benefits. These people are hard to find. mutual language with other people, especially if it is a topic that is not related to work and money transactions.
- Self-doubt. One of the signs of unloved children is low self-esteem. This is a complex of a man or a woman, which can lead to a whole series of nervous disorders. This is the inability to communicate, the misperception of oneself as a full-fledged personality. In attempts to earn love and attention, as in childhood, and failing, a person withdraws into himself. He has a fear of not justifying the hopes of others, a syndrome of overprotection. The manifestation may not be demonstrated in any way, but internal torments will always be with the individual, keeping his nerves in constant tension.
- Relationships with peers. It is characteristic of the human essence to reach out to those who are close to it in spirit. A man unloved in childhood, just like a woman, will look for a soul mate similar in character to him. Relationships between people are based on partial mutual understanding, but the feeling of love that brings euphoria from relationships is out of the question. In such couples, the same unloved children are born, because the parents have no idea about another line of behavior that has not been imposed on them since childhood.
- Unreliability. Such a complex in a man very often characterizes his personality not from the best side. He is unreliable, which does not at all make him an ideal match for a woman and moves him away from people. Such men rarely pay attention to the needs of others, do not fulfill their promises and can leave their other half pregnant, which can also serve as the birth of another unloved child if the mother fails to give the baby the necessary amount of care in time.
- Depression. Women unloved in childhood are often subject to major depressive disorders. A chronic lack of serotonin and dopamine provokes the appearance of such a condition. Psychologists will not help to correct the situation until a course of replacement therapy is carried out. Such a manifestation can be observed in men, but much less often.
- Hypersensitivity. Hypersensitivity - characteristic many people with nervous disorders. Unloved kids with age begin to position their inner experiences in a complete absolute. Everything that happens for them is a nervous shock. Life in constant stress leads to the emergence of new mental and somatic disorders.
An unloved person shows distrust of everyone around him.
Impact on the situation
In a woman or a man, the unloved syndrome is not an incurable disease, although it requires psychocorrection. Unloved children at a conscious age must realize the depth of mental trauma and accept reality for granted. Your happiness is in your hands, try to remember at least one happy moment in your life, your feelings and transfer it to your family.
One of the problems is the influence of upbringing and environment. In many religious and social movements, people are blackmailed through the family, hinting to a person that he is inferior if he does not have a soulmate and children at a certain age. Alone with yourself, you should decide for what purpose the child was born:
- unplanned pregnancy, but it was a pity to have an abortion;
- to continue the race;
- for the family to be complete;
- because they wanted something more from the relationship;
- to keep a soul mate;
- to recover from an illness (for women);
- realized that they were ready to raise children.
Think about what you want for your child and from him. Try to understand your requirements, what you need and what he needs. Listen to your child. Childish whims, disobedience, aggression - all these may be the first symptoms of a lack of attention on your part.
On the other hand, any syndrome and complex are the result of a misperception of oneself and the behavior of others. If all the media now start broadcasting: “Our children are not loved!”, then all the children will fall into a wild panic that no one needs them.
It is important to understand how to explain to a child: what you give him is your care, guardianship and the greatest love. No psychologist can tell you how to behave properly with your child. For the manifestation of feelings, it is impossible to create a specific algorithm, a schedule of "hugs", kisses, heart-to-heart talks.
Do not forget that overprotection will also not become a plus in the future life of the child, so you should know the measure in everything. Harmony in relationships and mutual understanding is the key to well-being for your child. He should be treated as an equal to himself, and not constantly think that he will not be able to comprehend the information that you are going to convey to him.
Conclusion
Today, the problem of the development of an increasing number of mental disorders in young people is acute. The dislike syndrome is considered the cause of most phobic disorders. It must be understood that this syndrome can be quickly corrected. If signs of the disease appear, you should seek help from a specialist.
According to the nature of the human continuum and millions of years of experience, the desire of man to be at the center of the pulsation of life proves that such a center exists. According to nature's plan, the lack of experience must certainly declare itself in the future; only in this case, such a manifestation can serve as an incentive to make up for the lost experience and further development. Neither the arguments of reason, nor personal experience cannot overshadow the belief that man should be at the center of life. We are rushing forward, to the center, as nature intended, no matter how untimely and stupid it may seem. The "if only" lifestyle, in one form or another, testifies to a powerful driving force operating among civilized people.
Unfortunately, there are those, also deprived in childhood, who transfer their pain and discontent to others. The most obvious example of an unwilling sufferer is a child who is beaten by parents who themselves suffered and were deprived in childhood.
Professor S. Henry Kemp, chairman of the Department of Pediatrics at the Colorado Medical Center, in a study of 1,000 different families, found that 20% of women had difficulty in their mothering duties. He claims that many mothers do not really love their babies. However, he did not quite correctly interpret the results of the study: in his opinion, if so many mothers cannot love their children, then motherly love as an instinct inherent in nature must be just a “myth”. The main result of his research was the following statement: it is a mistake to expect from every mother the behavior of a Madonna, all-forgiving, giving everything necessary and protecting her baby. And the fact that the Masters of Antiquity claimed that a woman should behave in this way, in his opinion, is only their delusion and lip service to the public. However, the results of his research speak for themselves. “All the evidence points to the fact that a child who is beaten in the family becomes in turn a parent who beats his own children.” Among the circumstances that caused such cruelty in parents, he noted that somehow these people, as children, were completely deprived of maternal attention and care, and also they did not come across a suitable teacher, friend, lover, husband or wife who could to some extent replace the mother.
Kemp argues that a parent deprived of maternal attention during childhood is incapable of loving and caring for their child; on the contrary, he expects the child to love him; he expects from the child much more than what he is capable of, and the crying of the baby is perceived by such a parent as rejection. The professor cites words like an intelligent and educated mother: “He cried, which means he didn’t love me, that’s why I beat him.”
The tragedy of many women is the delusion that their need for love must finally be satisfied by a child who himself is so hungry for love and attention. This is an important factor in the suffering experienced by the child. He is not only deprived of the lion's share of the necessary love and attention, but also forced to fight for them with an older and strong man. What could be more terrible than a child crying to her mother for love and care, and a mother beating her child because she allegedly does not love and does not pay attention to her in response to her suffering.
There are no winners in this game; there are no good and bad, but there are only victims of other victims.
The burned child is a more veiled expression of deprivation in its parents. Usually, burns in children are classified as accidents, but Helen L. Martin, a researcher at the burn center at the London Children's Hospital, argues otherwise. Over the course of seven months, she studied more than fifty cases of burns and found that most of them were the result of "emotional problems." With the exception of five cases, in her opinion, all the others were due to conflict situations in the family: either because of tension in the mother, or because of friction between the child and another family member, or because of enmity between adults. Strikingly, only two cases of burns occurred when the child was left alone.
Unlike those who beat children, parents who cause burns to their own children do not openly fulfill their desire to hurt the child. In such parents, their children's anger and grief and the parental desire to protect and protect the child came into internal conflict. The mother subconsciously uses the weapon of internal expectation that the child may get burned, and perhaps helps him to fulfill this expectation by leaving the pot of boiling soup in a place easily accessible to the child. When everything has happened, the unfortunate mother can keep a well-intentioned face and at the same time blame herself for what happened, thus reconciling the inner angry parent and the child consumed by hatred and a thirst for destruction, who also lives in her.
In addition, about half of the women at the time of the accident also felt a lack of "maternal" attention from their husbands, the attitude towards which women described as "alienated, indifferent, hostile." In the control group of families (where there were no accidents. - Note. trans.) of the same age and with a similar life story, Helen Martin found only three women who had similar feelings towards their husbands.
The pathological craving for committing crimes can be explained by the unwillingness to play by the rules of adults and work on an equal footing with other people. The inveterate thief may not be able to bear the fact that he has to work for the necessary and desired items, while he wants to get them just like that, for nothing, as from his mother. He cares little if he has to risk too much to get something "for free"; it is important for him that in the end he will get what he wants from the Mother of the Universe, without giving anything in return.
The need for punishment, or, as it may seem to the thief, the need for attention to oneself, is often one of the aspects of infantile relationships with society, from which the thief steals things that are valued in it, signs of love.
These phenomena are by no means new to students of behavior in civilized societies, but if viewed from the perspective of a distorted continuum, they can take on new meaning.
Physical illness, which can be interpreted as an attempt by the body to regain balance after or during an aggressive attack on it, has accordingly several functions. One of these, as described earlier, is a "neutralizing" effect, comparable to the effect that punishment has on alleviating unbearable guilt.
At times of special need for emotional support, the continuum can cause us physical illness, which means that others will take over the care of the sick, care and concern that is difficult for a healthy adult to receive. This care can be provided by family members, friends, and the hospital. The hospital, although it seems to be something faceless, actually puts the patient in the position of a child. She may be understaffed or treated the old fashioned way, but the hospital takes charge of the feeding and also makes all the decisions for him, which is so similar to how a once indifferent mother treats him. It may not be possible for the patient to get everything they need in the hospital, but this is the most easily accessible option.
At the Loeb Center for Nursing and Rehabilitation at Montefière Hospital in New York, several discoveries have been made that are quite understandable in terms of a continuum. In 1966, the center claimed that it had been able to reduce its readmission rate by 80% by using the "full acceptance" method and encouraging patients to talk about their problems. The center's director and co-founder, nurse Lydia Hall, argued that the medical care at the center was as close as possible to that of a mother caring for a newborn baby. “We immediately meet the needs and requirements of patients, no matter how trifling they may seem to us,” she said.
In the words of the assistant director of the center, Genrose Alfano, one can clearly trace the assertion that under the influence of stress a person is thrown back to an infantile emotional level: “Many people get sick just because they cannot cope with life situations. But when they learn to get out of their problems on their own, they no longer need to get sick.
Of course, before falling ill, most patients tried in one way or another to cope with their difficulties on their own, but when it became clear that this was already too much for them, they needed outside support. Using the "maternity care" method, the center has found that patients recover much faster. According to Lydia Hall, fractures of the femur (a common injury) heal twice as fast as in patients who are in a satisfactory condition and are treated in the usual way. Usually, after a heart attack, patients stay in bed for three weeks, but, according to cardiologist Ira Rubin, patients of the center successfully get back on their feet after the second week.
“If you take an elderly person who is in social isolation and surround him with caring people, to whom he could pour out his soul and tell about family troubles, then as a result this person returns his muscle tone much faster,” says Ira Rubin.
A study was conducted at the center, for which 250 patients were randomly selected, of which over a period of 12 months, only 3.6% were readmitted to treatment; when compared with patients receiving medical care at home, there were already 18% of those who were retreated. These findings suggest that maternal-like care is better at filling the emotional gaps that actually brought the person to the hospital. Satisfying the lack of positive emotions eliminates the need to be dependent and gives strength to return to one's normal rhythm of life.
If you do some research, you will surely find that the most direct manifestation of deprivation in the experience of the "hand period" is dependence on drugs such as heroin. Only research can establish the exact relationship between deprivation and cravings for alcohol, tobacco, gambling, sedatives, sleeping pills, or nail biting. Once such connections are scientifically established, many of them can be explained in terms of a continuum.
But for simplicity, consider only heroin addiction. Heroin is highly addictive, the body requires an ever-increasing dose, and the effect is constantly decreasing as you use it. Thus, increasing doses of the drug produce less and less of the desired effect. As the addict gets used to it, he already uses heroin not so much to experience a "high" as to avoid the symptoms of "withdrawal". Still trying to catch his "high", the addict may not calculate the dose. And then an overdose. Death.
But more often, addicts voluntarily subject themselves to the torment of “withdrawal” in order to “clean up” and free themselves from the need to constantly increase the dose of heroin. They break free from physical addiction again and again, not only in order to successfully fight the “withdrawal”, but also to be able to catch their “high” again. Thus, in general, the addict suffers from giving up heroin in spite of the violent demands of the body, in spite of the pain and unbearable anguish of "withdrawal" in order to get "high" again. He knows in advance that sooner or later he will again have to go through the seven circles of hell, but this does not scare him at all.
But why? If they can get rid of their addiction, then why get addicted to the drug again? What what is this “high”, why is it so attractive that even just the memories of it force hundreds of thousands of people to give up the drug, get used to it again, play with death, steal, engage in prostitution, leave their home and family and everything that was dear to them?
In my opinion, this fatal craving for "high" was never fully understood. It is constantly confused with the physical dependence on the drug, caused by a chemical imbalance in the body, which forces not only to continue using, but also to increase doses. But as soon as the person stopped taking heroin and the last traces of it were excreted by the body, the chemical balance was restored and the physical dependence disappeared. Only memories remained, forever capturing the former sensations from the drug.
A twenty-four-year-old drug addict tries to explain it. Here are his words:
“The longest time I voluntarily stayed without drugs was when my older brother died of an overdose. Then I didn't want to continue. I think it took me about two or three weeks. Then it seemed to me that because of my brother I really quit. But once I could not resist because of my second brother. I saw him on the corner of the street. It didn't have a face. He was clearly very ill. At me- then everything was great, I was all dressed up and happy with life. And he felt bad. Then I asked him: “What would you like most? What is your deepest wish?" And he said, "Two doses." Then I gave him six dollars. I knew where he would go now and what he would do, and what feelings he would experience.
I must have already firmly sunk into the "high".
I looked at my brother. He knew what I was thinking and shrugged his shoulders, as if to say to me: "I don't care." Then I said to the kid: “Listen, here's another six dollars. Take two more." Then we locked ourselves in a bathroom in a hotel. First they dosed my brother because he was sick. He was already catching a "high", then I typed myself into a syringe. And so I sat with this rubbish in my hand and kept thinking about the dead older brother. I didn't want to shoot up because of what happened to him. Then I mentally told him: “I hope you understand everything. You know what it is."
He thought that his older brother would forgive him for the fact that even his death did not overcome the craving for "high". The older brother himself experienced it and must understand that all that remains is to return to the needle. The memory of the amazing sensation has already settled in his mind, as he himself put it: firmly sunk into the “high”. But why is this happening? There are only vague hints in his words. What part of the human mind decides to sacrifice everything possible for the drug?
Another addict explains it this way. He says that people need many different things to be happy: love, money, power, a wife, children, appearance, status, clothes, a beautiful house, and you never know what, but a drug addict needs one thing, all his needs can be satisfied in one fell swoop - drug.
This feeling of "high" is usually considered something bizarre and strange, having nothing to do with the sensations in normal life and nothing to do with the human personality. They only say about drug addicts that they are pathetic, weak, immature, irresponsible. However, this does not explain why the drug is so attractive that it can outweigh all the other benefits of civilization, for which a pathetic person might have some weakness. The life of a heroin addict is not easy, to put it mildly, so it would be wrong to dismiss him as a weak-willed bum. It remains only to clearly understand the difference between a temporarily “clean” person who is inclined to get back on the needle, and one who has never tried drugs.
One drug addict girl, when asked if she looked at normal girls walking down the street, interrupted: “Did I envy them? Yes. Every day. Because they don't know what I know. I wouldn't be able to be as normal as they are. Once I tried, but when I injected myself again, one injection crossed out all my efforts, because only at that moment I understood everything, I knew. But even she could not clearly express herself and describe, but only hinted at this most important feeling. “I knew what it meant to be at the pinnacle of happiness. I knew how you feel when you're high on drugs. It wasn't the first time I forced myself to quit a habit, and that was the most harmful of those that I had to contend with. And I gave it up, damn it, only of my own free will. But I still went back to drugs.”
After what this girl has experienced, she cannot be called weak-willed, but she has experienced a lot: giving up the drug even without switching to a milder one, such as methadone; nor was she in prison or a hospital where drugs are simply not available and therefore not tempting to start over. But what she couldn't do was forget about what she had learned, forget about what an ordinary girl doesn't know, forget about... what a "high" is.
It seems to me that it would be naive to believe that those who do not know what is revealed to the addict would behave differently from him if they knew about the feeling of "high". There are many cases of exactly the same dependence in a "normal" person who was prescribed morphine in the hospital as an analgesic in cases of severe illness. A person became a morphine addict, committed crimes in order to somehow support his habit without the help of medicine. Family and home do not have enough strength and value to resist this inexplicable addiction to drugs. Then everything goes on a knurled track.
Psychiatrists who have studied the lives of drug addicts for a long time say that most of them have heightened narcissism and that their addiction to heroin is the outward manifestation of a deeper self-concern. Their childhood desires also take on other forms. Drug addicts demonstrate the incredible cunning and endurance inherent in an adult when extracting heroin, but as soon as the drug is in their hands, these qualities are gone. They are very imprudent and vulnerable to the police - their brothels are in plain sight, they unjustifiably risk their lives and freedom, but invariably attribute their arrest to the fact that someone pawned them, or to other circumstances.
It has been noticed that the main emotional feature of a drug addict is a great unwillingness to take responsibility for his life. According to the stories of one psychiatrist, when his drug addicted patient saw another patient connected to an artificial respiration apparatus, she became indignant and demanded the same apparatus for herself.
It seems that the feeling that heroin gives is very similar to the sensations that a child experiences in his mother's arms. The long and aimless search for something inexplicable and pointless ends as soon as the heroin addict injects his dose and experiences the desired sensation. Now he knows how to achieve this feeling, and other methods of achieving it, which are used by everyone else, no longer attract the addict. Probably, this is exactly what the words of the drug addict girl meant: "... when I shot again, one injection crossed out all my efforts, because only at that moment I understood everything, I knew." She talks about her "trying" to find other ways to achieve this feeling without drugs. In fact, "other ways" are wandering in the dark, groping; a long road leading to a dead end, but we lay down our lives to walk this road and find nothing at the end. A "pure" person is not aware of the immediate goal of his search and therefore wanders more or less calmly in the labyrinth of his illusions, thinking that he is going in the right direction. Along the way, he finds the small pleasures of life and is partially satisfied with them. But the addict knows where to look, where he can get everything at once, just as a child gets everything he wants in the arms of his mother; and the addict can't help but return to his high, guilt-ridden, harassed, exhausted and sick, returning to what is actually rightfully his from birth. None of the dangers that fill the life of a drug addict, and even death, can turn him away from satisfying his vital needs. The heroin-centered personality of the addict discards the last vestiges of maturity it has managed to achieve and remains at the level of the child where its continuum was interrupted.
Most drug addicts, if they managed to survive, sooner or later stop use drugs, presumably because, under the influence of heroin, they managed to make up for the lack of experience of the “hand period” and they are finally emotionally ready for the experience of another kind, just like a Yekuan child is ready for the same at the age of one year. It is difficult to explain in any other way such a sharp break with drugs, but the fact remains: there are practically no drug addicts among the older generations, and quite not because they all died.
It is useless even to try to guess how much of the missed experience of the “manual period”, which lasts from six to eight months, needs to be reproduced so that the patient can freely move to the next emotional level. Perhaps research will show that the treatment described in the afterword can also replace drug use. If so, then the addict only seems to be ill, since the disease, which is observed in everyone, simply surfaced in him; to fight his illness, he chose a deadly drug that replaces the experience in the hands of his mother. They may need treatment more than we do, but perhaps someday we will realize that this is the only difference between them and most of us.
One day I saw a Sunday night TV program where there was a heated debate about morality. They included priests, atheist humanists, and a hippy-looking young man who advocated the legalization of hashish as the first means of improving society. There was a nun and a couple of writers who also had their own views on the correct behavior of a person. It seemed to me that, despite the differences and the ardor with which they defended their opinions, there were more similarities in the positions of all participants than differences. They were all hardliners of one kind or another. They were all idealists in their own way. Some stood for tougher discipline and the introduction of all sorts of restrictions, others for greater freedom, but they all wanted to improve conditions for a person. They were all seekers, living on the principle of "if only ...", differing only in those options that can follow after their "if only ...".
Hello. I am 21 years old and live with my mother. Despite my age, I feel that I miss her love. Yes, we live together, we see each other every day, she is interested in my life, she calls all the time asking where I am, with whom I am ... it would seem there is nowhere else, but I have her all it’s not enough. I wouldn’t want her to call more often or ask about something, I don’t know what I want, but there are times when I really miss, then she comes home from work, we eat together and go to sleep. Talk to me , as it seems to me, she doesn’t really love, she is often not in the mood, but sometimes she hugs and kisses me ... at that moment I don’t want this, but time will pass again I miss.
I never had a father, so parental love is all from my mother. And in my childhood, until the age of 5, I sat with my mother, and then all the time with my grandmother. Perhaps because of this, I lack her love. incomplete love, and not everyone has such problems.
Soon I will have to leave for another country and I can’t imagine how I will be without her. I have a very strong attachment to her. I didn’t realize this before, but after visiting a psychologist, she uttered such a phrase ... after only 3-4 months I thought about it and came to the conclusion that yes, I lacked love. And I am constantly looking for this love in others. Someone to love me. Relationships with young people do not add up, I just don’t see the need for them. Yes, there are certain difficulties with communication, but I don’t really care. relations, I feel good even now. Moreover, I don’t feel like an adult, and a small person cannot build relationships. I just feel that I haven’t matured yet, although the age is right. And it seems to me that the inseparability from children’s life is to blame.
Hello Daria! You need to learn to accept love - the one that your mother gives you now - do not live in the past, do not suffer from these thoughts when your mother is not around, and when she is with you - appreciate these moments, open up and accept - you have this love, but you are shutting yourself off from it!
and it is also important to work on the image of your inner Adult - the one who will take care of you, protect, give warmth and protection - children look for this in their parents, these are those safe adults who surround them, BUT growing up, parents are not around and then who -someone else must take care of this child - and the way out is not to look for him outside - in a man, in a friend - but inside yourself!
Daria, if you decide to figure it out - you can feel free to contact me - call - I will be glad to help you!
Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow
Good answer 0 bad answer 1Hello. Daria. Quite a difficult question. Often a mother can be next to a child. And love is sorely lacking. This often happens because a mother can confuse love with control, supervision, custody and care of a child. And education is called interest in inner life child. so that mom is within walking distance of your inner interests. And so that you can easily share these interests with her. And buying things, a delicious dinner, even kisses, cannot replace inner emptiness and cold, if you are emotionally involved in the inner world mother will not have a child. You are probably experiencing this you and mom I didn’t always know how to give it in childhood. The way out of such a situation is to give yourself more. That is, to love yourself more. their desires, interests, build priorities, compensate for dependence on mom with other pleasures. Including getting to know a young man. not desirable.
Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist of the psychoanalytic school Volgograd
Good answer 1 bad answer 0
