How not to be intrusive with a girl and at the same time get to know her and achieve intimacy? This thought occurred to many guys. Moreover, she stops a lot of people, because we all want to show our independence and lack of need for a new acquaintance, they say, we have plenty of people like her, but try to find someone like me. Meanwhile, at the same time, you may not have anyone, but you think about how not to be annoying with a girl, and you leave after the first “I’m in a hurry” or “I’m not interested.” In my opinion, this is wrong. Therefore, in this article I will tell you how not to impose yourself on a girl and.
Should you force yourself on a girl?
As I already wrote above, this is a situation when you approach and seem to want to get to know each other, but she breaks down or pretends that you are slowing down. Simply because you don’t want to show your excessive need for her. It seems that everything is correct, and there is definitely no need to show need, but it is not always worth slowing down. Otherwise, your tactics will simply turn against you.An assertive guy is a confident guy. And if a man leaves after the first attempt, then respect for him almost immediately drops, which means he is not confident in his abilities - that’s the thought that arises in her head. And not at all “what a polite and gallant young man, she said that she was busy and he immediately fell behind.” Of course, a very persistent guy will definitely seem intrusive and annoying - this happens when a man has not yet learned to calibrate a woman’s reaction to his actions, when he sticks to his line, but does not see that he is achieving the opposite result.
But you should think about yourself first. So I will repeat my thought. It’s much worse if your behavior boils down to tactics: I won’t be intrusive, and if she sends me away, it won’t be so offensive; I'm independent. But this is already self-deception, with which you simply cover up the fear of defeat. But defeat is already evident.
Once again about the fact that girls love persistent
If you complete the previous situation, then you think that if you are persistent, go to the end, invest, and in the end she still sends you away, then it will hurt you more. But this kind of thinking continues to work when the guy has already met a girl and would like to invite her on a date. For example, he deliberately does not call a girl for several days, just so that she will think that he has a lot of them, they say, he is some kind of prize guy for whom he still needs to fight. You seem to be relaxing with supermodels all this time, but in reality you are sitting alone and doing nothing. If you want to call this girl, you don’t want to seem intrusive.But a normal and intelligent girl already understands everything: you are simply playing the role of a prize. Moreover, a really confident young man, and the guy that girls like is the one who is used to getting everything from life. Maybe he is not deprived of female attention, but he is still persistent, and does not think about such a problem - whether he seems intrusive or not.
Let's say a girl immediately says that she doesn't want to get acquainted or simply that she doesn't want to get acquainted. For the pick-up artist, it is important not to think that if he continues the conversation, he will lose his value for her or for himself. He needs to continue to prove his worth to her. She needs to understand that she really wants to get to know you.
A persistent and self-confident guy can call you the next day after meeting you. If he wants it, and if he wants to see her. That is, he is already sure that the girl will be glad to hear him and go on a date with him, and not marinate her for this for three or four days. She, in turn, will see his confidence, and it will be more difficult for her to refuse, because she already likes him. And no matter what he turns out to be like later, his self-confidence comes to the fore first.
The same applies to further communication. A persistent man is one who will not worry about hugging a girl on a date and kissing her. He just thinks that this is normal and he can do it, and does not think about what she will think about his intrusiveness.
It goes without saying that you must maintain a sense of proportion, be able to calibrate her attitude towards you, give her a little comfort, and not just stupidly push through. That's basically the whole idea: if you are confident in yourself and also emotionally independent, then you simply can't help but be assertive.
This idea can be expressed more simply. What do you think your behavior looks like from the outside? You approach a girl who doesn’t know you at all; naturally, she will be careful and not immediately rush into your arms.
She turns you off and you leave. She can think whatever she wants, but the impression she will get of you is that you are an insecure person - that’s for sure. And she’ll just think that you don’t really need to get to know her. But then why does she need you? Even if you already have a lot of girlfriends, she is looking for the only one. And you must show this interest, not dependence, but just interest. And for this you will break through all her barriers created by upbringing, experience of other relationships and simply difficult character. After all, you and she are just a weak woman who is looking for a strong.
male shoulder
- Therefore, every confident man should not mumble, but speak in strong phrases, for example:
- I want to meet you;
- I want to meet with you;
You don't need to play the role of a prize man, you need to feel like one.
If you want to know even more secrets for seducing girls Have you ever seen young man
, with horror in his eyes, running away from the girl with whom he was once in love, trying to look after her and build a harmonious relationship? Do you want to become such a girl? For some reason I think not.
Here is one of the letters that came to me recently on this topic:
"Hello.
My boyfriend told me that I’m obsessive and that I’m only making things worse! I told him that I simply don’t like it when people ignore me and don’t answer me... What should I do in this situation, what should I do?
Irina, 23 years old"
Who is guilty?
The presence of such a desire does not mean at all that one partner does not love the other or ignores him, expecting initiative from him. He just needs to be alone sometimes, communicate with other people, mind his own business. All people are different, and you cannot blame a person if his needs are different from ours. No one can get rid of their own needs. Their dissatisfaction and an attempt to “drive” them deeper into oneself leads to sad consequences - as a result, sooner or later they will break out with doubled or even tripled force, demolishing everything in their path, uncontrollable for their owner. Therefore, you cannot get rid of your needs, but you can look for other ways to satisfy them - and this is the basis of compromises that ensure the stability of relationships between a man and a woman.
For example, many men admit that they begin to cheat on their wives because they do not feel the freedom they need - and try to find it in the arms of their mistress. For them, the very fact of having a mistress is a kind of “proof” of their own freedom. This does not mean that such a man can be justified in his betrayal, under no circumstances. However, his wife made a significant contribution to the problem. "How?" - you ask. With your obsession! If she had not pestered him with endless communication, if she had allowed him to spend some of his time in other places and with other people, then the husband simply would not have felt a sense of infringement on his own freedom. And there would be no betrayal - a consequence that is often sad for a marriage.
So, in search of frequent contacts with a partner, a person often thinks about his needs for the frequency of communication with him, but does not take into account the needs of his partner, which may be completely different. This is exactly what Irina’s young man meant when he said that with her obsession she was making things “only worse.” It's worse not for her, of course, but for him. But, forgetting about his needs, Irina may one day discover that the young man is not ready to put up with this and has abandoned such a difficult relationship for him. But this will certainly affect her. And if the relationship with this person is really dear to the girl, then it will not have the best effect.
Statistics show that the problem of obsession is largely a problem for the fair sex. And this is not surprising: one of the main differences between women and men is related to the peculiarities of the functioning of the speech sphere. A woman speaks more and more often; the average number of words she speaks per day exceeds by several thousand the number of words spoken by a man during the same time (according to A. and B. Pease). “But this means that women also have their own special needs, which men must respect!” - you say. Yes, you are right, this also has to do with differences in needs, but this does not mean for a woman that she can satisfy the need for speaking only by communicating with her man. The same can be done, for example, with friends, with talkative clients at work, with random passers-by - in general, you can slowly sell the necessary vocabulary in a variety of places.
What to do?
In the above letter, the young man is dissatisfied with the intrusiveness of his girlfriend Irina. What is obsession? This is the unpleasant importunity of a person who annoys another with his actions, attempts to obtain communication from him. Think about which of your actions may be perceived by a loved one as intrusive, even if he does not tell you about it directly? Make a list of such manifestations of yours and try to take this into account when communicating with your partner.
If you notice traces of your own obsession in your relationship, then it is effective to take the following steps to relieve accumulated tension (which often take place professionally):
- Give your partner the opportunity to periodically “take a break from you”, disappear at least sometimes from his sight, do not judge his meetings with friends.
- If you are trying to contact a loved one, and he does not answer because he is tired of your intrusiveness, then ask him not to remain silent at such moments, but to write to you that, for example, he is very busy and cannot talk to you now. Agree that this will be a signal for you that it’s time to shut up, but at the same time you will not be offended by this “key” phrase. In this case, you will always be aware of your partner’s desire and reluctance to communicate at a certain point in time, you will be able to treat this more calmly and change the tactics of your behavior to a more effective one.
- Conduct an experiment: promise yourself that you will wait for your partner’s initiative, that is, do not write or call him until he does it himself. For you, this will be a development of will and an indicator of how often your partner feels the need to communicate with you. For your boyfriend, this is an opportunity to get the rest he needs and show the initiative in his relationship with a girl that most men dream of. As a result, you will get a satisfied man and a more harmonious relationship. A positive result, isn't it?
As a rule, all representatives of the stronger sex love freedom: they decide for themselves what and when to do, when to meet their lady and confess their feelings to her. Women, on the contrary, at the will of their emotions, without thinking about how to stop being intrusive towards a man in a relationship, always try to “take everything in full”. But sometimes such excessive intrusiveness simply scares off a strong-willed boyfriend, or leads to constant quarrels and misunderstanding, so women, in order not to completely destroy the relationship, must know how to stop being intrusive to their gentleman. And the first step towards getting rid of obsession should be awareness of the problem. Only in this case can you overcome your addiction and make the life of your loved one easier. Of course, it is very unpleasant to realize such things, but it is necessary! It’s worth remembering how many times a man’s number is dialed per day/week, how often he is offered meetings, etc.
If the calculation results in rather horrifying numbers, this is not only a sign of the presence of strong obsession, but also a clear reason why the gentleman is trying to behave aloof. Having soberly realized the problem, you need to move on to self-control. The main thing here is to carefully observe yourself and your desires and stop in time at the moment when you want to force yourself on a man. It is necessary to clearly understand the fact that the gentleman has the right to his own space and time and this is not considered an attempt to distance himself or an insult. According to psychologists, sometimes it is very useful to take short breaks in relationships and simply take a break from each other, which will help you appreciate all the moments spent together. And so that these breaks pass easily and without paroid attacks, it is recommended to find yourself some interesting activity.
It is worth noting that often the most common reason for human importunity is idleness, which a favorite hobby can help overcome. Therefore, you need to devote time not only to your chosen one, but also to hobbies and self-development. For example, you can read interesting books, watch new films, join a handicrafts group, or play sports. When a feeling of obsessive behavior arises, you need to immediately retreat and do what you love. Also, on the path to healing, psychologists advise to stop constantly calling a man. Some of the ladies believe that obsession manifests itself only when spending time together, but even frequent calls and SMS messages can begin to irritate a boyfriend. If you can’t control yourself on your own, you can connect to the most expensive tariff plan on your phone. This will significantly reduce the desire to dial your loved one again and have long conversations with him.
By the way, as soon as the habit of not letting go of the phone passes, you can safely return the previous tariff, but already know when to stop your calls. Spending time with friends will also help you overcome obsession. This option is especially good if there is not enough communication. You can go to the movies with your girlfriends, sit in a cafe, go shopping, or just have fun gatherings at home, discussing everything last news. But here, too, it is important to hold such events with different friends, so as not to impose yourself on anyone. And finally, self-confidence will certainly help regarding how to stop being obsessive in a relationship. As practice shows, due to strong uncertainty and fear of losing a loved one, people become very intrusive. Therefore, it is necessary to raise self-esteem, gain independence, learn to enjoy life, and give the initiative into the hands of a man.
This page was made in a demo version of the Sitecraft-Studio program (www.sitecraft.ru)
How do you react when you are distracted from important thoughts?
I am angry. And the more immersed I am in thought, the more irritated I become when someone or something distracts me. I try to hold back my anger and not show it, but it doesn’t always work.
Why are you angry? Do you find it difficult to concentrate again afterwards?
As a rule, it is not difficult to concentrate. I can usually get back to what I was thinking about after being distracted. It's annoying to have to stop thinking and spend time doing something else. And I want to spend some time inside my thoughts without leaving them. I don’t know in advance exactly how much time I need: maybe an hour, maybe 3 hours, or maybe the whole day. Well, sometimes, if I have to switch for a long time and pay a lot of attention to something else, I lose the idea of what I was thinking about earlier.
In psychology there is such a thing as PSYCHOLOGICAL PROJECTION . Psychological projection – this is when people think that in the same situation other people will experience the same thoughts, emotions, desires, and also relate to events and people as you do. You yourself are very annoyed when you are distracted, and therefore, on a subconscious level, you think that other people will also be annoyed with you when you distract them. And that’s why you’re afraid to “distract” them.
And how to overcome this?
Source:
Psychological projection is a mirror that you put between yourself and the rest of the world. Instead of communicating with other people, you communicate with your own reflection.
http://stud-psyholog.ru/online_psihologicheskaja_proekcija_1.htm
How to stop being obsessive
People who are as obsessive as flies are very annoying and unpleasant. Even loving people, do not always tolerate annoying advances and part with such individuals. Do you have an increased sense of importunity? Then uproot it from yourself. Change in everything, pay attention to your life, your appearance, your interests and tasks.
Obsession irritates women, men and friends. Nobody is happy when you have to communicate with a bore. Especially when it comes to relationships between a man and a woman. Constant calls, SMS, the same questions about where you are, drive you crazy and lead to a disastrous end. What do you do with an annoying fly? They either drive her away, brushing her off, or slam her down with great pleasure. Why be clingy and annoying?
To get rid of such ineffective sociability, it is worth changing your behavior. Let your partner work or relax quietly, and you mind your own business or your appearance, get carried away interesting activity. Turn into a mysterious, thoughtful, slightly inaccessible, mysterious person, then interest in you will increase, and you yourself will become more confident and happier.
Do not be led by your sick imagination, you should not get into your soul if you are not allowed there, turn the arrows in the other direction, direct all your energy to your development and transformation.
Everything depends only on your own desires. If you want to get rid of importunity, then take all effective measures.
Source:
How to stop being obsessive
People who are as obsessive as flies are very annoying and unpleasant. Even loving people do not always tolerate annoying advances and break up with such individuals. Do you have an increased sense of importunity? Then tear her out
http://qalib.ru/a/kak-perestat-bit-navyazchivoy
How to stop being obsessive to men?
Girls, I'm in trouble. I really can’t. In general, if I like a man, then I cannot restrain myself and begin to impose myself.
This is the situation: I’ll meet a man, add each other on social media. networks and that’s it, it started. If I liked it, then almost every time I see that it is online, I will write. How many times have I promised myself to wait for them to write, but I can’t restrain myself.
Well, that’s really not pleasant. It's like I'm imposing. Sometimes they answer directly, as if they don’t want to communicate, and anyway I can not write for a couple of days, and then write if I really like the man. I think it scares them away.
So what should I do? How to stop being obsessive? Otherwise, this behavior of mine infuriates me.
- ✓ Only new answers will be sent
- ✓ Email is not posted anywhere
- ✓ You can unsubscribe in every letter
Somehow it turns out that you become attached to everyone, and you are too flighty, since you write to everyone, everyone suits you, and really, obsessive.
But you know, I have an acquaintance, and a girl constantly struck up a conversation with him. Compliments, flirting, attention, she tried very hard, but he ran away from her. But in the end, with this obsession, she achieved it and the result was two children.
Therefore, I can understand the persistence towards one specific person, but not towards everyone who changes.
They will think that you are like an annoying fly and won’t let you take a step; they are afraid to meet such people if they want a family.
You know, I read your story, and honestly, in some places I felt sad, and in others I started smiling. you are the complete opposite of me. So, if I like someone, at most I will show it once in some way and that’s it. And I won’t call or write first, only if it’s on business. And all my friends scold me for this, that a man should also see the attitude and desire towards him!
But for you, everything is different and you want to get rid of it, I wouldn’t recommend it, you need to go towards your goal, and not sit straight on your butt. and to impose yourself is when he ignores you, and you still demand something, I agree here, you need to have a sense of respect for yourself, and then, well, if you really want it, why close off your feelings.
So I advise you to live as you lived and not think about what you are imposing. Men who are interested in you will like it, but those who don’t care will not pay attention!
Although they also love those who are unavailable, everything is more complicated there; you can’t do that.
Well, it seems to me that there can only be one piece of advice: get busy! I think so, men are afraid not so much of your obsession as of the fact that you have nothing else to do except write to them. And if you have nothing, it means that in the future you will be doing your brainwork, calling every second, etc., but why does a man need this?
Attention from men is pleasant. Therefore, if you really want to find out how he is doing and just chat, then you can write first and honestly say that you miss him. But if you are always drawn to write, simply because you have nothing to do, then you need to stop this. Well I do not know. I wanted to write - I did 10 squats. Once again I wanted to do 10 more squats. And so on until I no longer have the strength to write)))
Well, you really need to take pauses. Go read a book so you don’t have to write to him every time)
There is no greater nightmare for a man than an obsessive sticky girl. Obsession is something that can destroy a relationship that has just begun, because the girl is not yet sure how her partner treats her and decides to take the initiative, but only spoils everything with her irrepressible desire to please. But even in relationships that have been going on for a long time, a girl may one day become overwhelmed when she suddenly realizes that she cannot live without her loved one and is terribly afraid of losing him, and becomes obsessive in this fear. Obsession is rooted in our fears that we are not loved and that we are not needed. Obsession is always destructive. So how can you not be intrusive?
- None of us like to be forced into anything. His plans for this evening may have long been planned to go to the sauna with friends, renovate the kitchen, or he just wants to lie on the couch, staring at the TV and do nothing. There is no need to put pressure on him and shower him with reproaches, or pretend to be offended if he does not want to come to you today. Mind your own business and be patient.
- Your fears and uncertainty about his feelings make you constantly demand signs of attention and declarations of love from him. Any man will get tired if you ask him a hundred times a day if he loves you and how much he loves you. And every time you will feel like this is not enough for you. After all, love cannot be proven either by words or by material things. So don't be fooled by your fears. Love yourself and believe in his love.
- To please him, you are ready to adapt to him in everything. If he accidentally mentions that he likes blondes more than brunettes, then you make an appointment that same evening at the hairdresser and put on makeup. White color. You start listening to the music he likes. You watch football with him, yawning from boredom, turning to the side so that he doesn’t notice. You leave your interests somewhere on the side, in past life. In general, without noticing it, you lose your individuality, and he loses interest in you.
- Your obsession may manifest itself in excessive care for him. Try to find out first whether your man needs all this. Should he prepare dinner from the first, second and third meals if he previously ate well at work? So that later you won’t be offended that your efforts were in vain and were not appreciated.
- Don't try to take on his problems. The fact that it seems to you that by helping your man you will thus earn his love is just your illusion. Usually people don't really like those to whom they owe money.
- Your frequent calls and messages with questions: “What are you doing?”, “Where are you?”, “What are you doing?” may be regarded by them as Your wish control his life and cause irritation and resistance. No less annoying are attempts to find out in detail the details of his life, especially questions about ex-girlfriends. Learn to trust him and not be too anxious.
- You shouldn’t pester your man with requests to tell him something or with questions: “Why are you silent?” and “What are you thinking about?” This is perceived by a man as a requirement that he constantly entertain you, and that you do not even in your thoughts allow him to leave personal space for himself. Remember that in close relationships, silence does not cause discomfort. Try to feel your man. What does he need if he is not in the mood - to speak out or be alone and think.
- Try to show outbursts of jealousy exclusively in small homeopathic doses. You don’t need to be the first to run to his phone every time in order to have time to see who he received a message from, read his mail and call new numbers that have appeared in his phone book. Why torture yourself if you don't trust him that much? After all, jealousy is meaningless in both cases - both if you are not loved and if you are loved.
- If you are a big fan of chatting incessantly, take a closer look at how your man reacts to this. Is he interested in hearing about the problems of your relatives from Vladivostok or how you spent three hours choosing new jeans? Heartfelt conversations are an important component of happiness. family life, but maybe you will find a more grateful listener in your friends when talking about the new diet that you read about in the magazine today.
- You, of course, expect care from him and need it like any woman. But let this need not turn into a constant obsessive demand, accompanied by tears, resentment and discontent, if he suddenly could not call you, meet you or see you off, or buy what you asked for.
Remember that love does not exist where there is no freedom. And no one can love with a rope around their neck. And obsession is a rope that you are trying to tie into a beautiful knot around your beloved neck.
