Optimal age difference between children. Siblings with age differences

Psychologists note that the child and mother have a connection when the baby feels one with the mother. And somewhere around the age of 3, the child begins to recognize himself as a separate person; even in his vocabulary, the child begins to use the personal pronoun “I want, I draw.” If in early age Mom switches her attention to the new family member, then mental development older child may have problems.

Around the age of 3, children begin to show interest in babies; psychologists call this stage the first awakening of the paternal or maternal instinct. Therefore, the newborn is treated with tenderness, attention and care.

Minuses

I just started to get enough sleep and feel better intimate life with her husband and the woman began to spend more time in society - cinema, restaurants and meetings with friends. And again, diapers, diapers, vests... For some mothers this is a big minus.

Well, it becomes difficult for the grandparents, who were so happy to take the baby to their place for the weekend, to keep track of two robbers, two and five years old.

The older child will be constantly interested in touching, feeling and playing with the newborn. If you keep saying “no, you can’t,” you can provoke jealousy in your older child. Try to tell your child as much as possible how to care for a newborn and allow you to help.

The difference between children is more than 4 years

pros

The mother’s body has fully recovered and rested after carrying the older baby. Parents were completely immersed in raising one child first, now they can pay attention to the next baby. Senior child can become a good helper around the house and in caring for a newborn. Mommy will not suffer from physical overload.

Also, during this period between pregnancies, parents can improve their living conditions, study or advance their careers. If you gave birth to your first baby at an early age, then difference between children more than 5 years, will give you the opportunity to formulate and approach motherhood in a new way, more consciously, because now you have become older, wiser and more confident in yourself.

Another plus is that small children become adults very quickly and if the age difference is large, then you can fully enjoy the wonderful moments with each younger child.

Minuses

It may be difficult for a child who has been accustomed to being the only one for 4-6 years and receiving all the attention of his parents to get used to the new foundations of the family. Although it happens the other way around - older children beg their parents for a brother or sister. True, they are then disappointed when they realize that a newborn cannot play football and watch his favorite cartoons, but as soon as the baby grows up, everything will fall into place.

Younger children often become spoiled due to the increased attention paid to them by all family members.

My brother and I are 6 years apart and he was not interested in playing and messing around with me. Often they let him go out with the boys, but he categorically refused to take me with him.

This is the analysis I carried out, of course. pregnancy planning- this is good, but it happens that a new pregnancy occurs unexpectedly and this can be a pleasant surprise for the family. The main thing is that every child is desired, surrounded by care, attention and love, and then age difference between children will always be perfect.

Children with a minimal age difference seem to many to be an ideal option. As a rule, kids have common interests, toys, and when they get older, they have common friends. The same age also implies the same organization of the daily routine, reading the same books and attending developmental classes. And the mother has not yet lost her skills in caring for the baby. Psychologists believe that brothers and sisters with an age difference of 1-2 years usually grow up as friends - there is less chance that someone will be jealous, and someone will grow up to be selfish.

However, there may be plenty of disadvantages in this situation. Two small children, especially if they are the same age, become a big burden, both physical and emotional. All senses can be consumed by fatigue: children need to be bathed, fed, and put to bed at the same time. And, as a rule, they will get sick at the same time. A banal walk on the river can also become a problem. fresh air, taking into account that it is not so easy to choose transport for a walk, think through and follow the fee algorithm. It’s good if there are helpers in the person of grandparents or a nanny. And if not? Going up and down the stairs with a stroller, a bag and two small children is a real art. Even if the older child already walks confidently, this will not make the walk any easier: catching up with a stroller running away across the lawns is not an easy task.

Anna Morozova

Child psychologist

“A small age difference can somewhat hinder the development of an older child. Parents, as a rule, teach their children using the same books and programs, while following the development of the child. Therefore, older children may learn to read and count a little later than their peers.”

In addition, not all mothers are ready for the imminent arrival of a second baby in the family. After all, all the love and attention is focused on the firstborn. And for the first months, or even years, it seems that it is generally impossible to love someone else as much. As a result, feelings of guilt may arise. There is another important factor. Doctors say that during such a short period between pregnancies, a woman’s body does not have time to recover, which can lead to complications for both mother and child.

Age difference 2–4 years

Many experts consider an age difference of 2-4 years to be optimal. Children are still united by common interests: toys, games, cartoons. The older child already knows how to dress and eat independently, which makes daily childcare much easier for the mother. At the same time, the baby copies his older brother or sister in everything, which means he develops much faster. There is an opinion that younger children with a difference of 2-4 years are more developed and intelligent, besides, the older child can already show responsibility, which means that he can be entrusted with looking after the baby for a while while the mother is busy with housework. In addition, the eldest child at this age already goes to kindergarten, which means he has his own interests, friends and favorite activities, he does not require the constant presence of his mother. And from a physiological point of view, a woman’s body after 2-4 years is already ready for a new pregnancy.

In this case, there can be only one minus, but it is a big one: strong jealousy of the elder towards the younger. And here it is very important how parents and grandparents behave. In this situation, it becomes vitally necessary to be able to equally distribute attention between children, not to single out “favorites,” and to try to be objective in analyzing conflicts. Otherwise, the relationship between the children will be ruined. For a working mother, the situation can also be difficult, because only after returning from maternity leave, getting involved in work and learning new information, she will have to go on maternity leave again. Returning to the profession, and even more so career growth, will require great effort in the future.

Age difference 5–7 years

The age difference of 5-7 years allows you to pay attention to both the youngest and the older child. The firstborn becomes more reasonable and completely independent. He spends part of his time at school, and the mother can pay attention to the baby. At the same time, the first-grader is adapting to school, which means that a mother on maternity leave has advantages over a working mother. She manages to prepare the child’s breakfast, take him to school and pick him up immediately after school, without leaving him in after-school care until the evening. You can spend more time preparing lessons, playing games and walking in the park. Cooperative games children are still possible, but not as often as we would like. Economic benefits can also be found in such an age difference. In the future, when children become students, they will have to pay for education one by one.

Yulia Nikolaeva

Psychologist

“Still, this age difference can be difficult. Such children have little in common; parents will have to take into account different interests. You should not turn your first-born child into a “free nanny” or infringe on his development. The point is to ensure that the older child attends clubs, sections and events, even if it is difficult to do this with a stroller.”

The age difference is more than 8–10 years

At 8-10 years old and older child already a completely independent person. He is used to being the center of parental attention, which means changes may cause protest. Moreover, they may occur during adolescence. The temptation to turn an older child into the first housekeeper and nanny, especially if it is a girl, is great. Of course, at first the child will happily fuss over the baby, but you should not turn the joy of communication into a duty. Such an age difference, of course, excludes competition for toys, but the first-born needs the same amount of parental attention as before. This means that in order to eliminate jealousy between children, parents need to show maximum patience, mental and moral strength and provide the older child with the usual course of life. You should not perceive the younger child as an “outlet” and avoid difficulties in your relationship with the teenager; this can lead to the formation of a gap between the parents and the older child and cause unkind feelings towards the baby.

You should not compare children with each other, this provokes competition. It is important to preserve individuality in each child, which means it is better to take into account the interests of each, and not to take children into one circle, because it is more convenient. Children have the right to their own separate toys, therefore, it is better to immediately explain to the child that taking things from an older brother or sister is possible only with permission. Cooking your child’s favorite dish will once again show love and care, even if it can be difficult to prepare several different dinners or lunches.

Still, there are no definite rules for when to have children. Each family, to its own taste, can determine the time of birth of the second child better than any psychologist. The main thing is that the parents themselves are ready, willing and able to devote sufficient time to the upbringing and development of both children.

Having decided that the best cure for childhood selfishness will be the birth of a second child, parents begin to calculate the ideal age difference between children. Let's look at the advantages and disadvantages of each age range.

Children of the same age

Pros. Children grow and develop at the same time, the two-year age difference is practically not felt: the kids have common friends, a common range of interests, hobbies, they are interested in the same toys. They are comfortable playing together; they live harmoniously in the same room. Meanwhile, mom is given a little more time for herself and household chores, while the children are busy playing together.

According to leading psychologists, behavior needs to be corrected less often. They almost never experience feelings of jealousy, firstly, because they have not yet become complete egoists, and, secondly, they really need a friend with whom they can play.

A woman who is focused on building a career and wants to reach certain heights will find a significant advantage in successive pregnancies. At first it will seem to her that she has buried her professional ambitions in a pile of diapers, but this is not entirely true. As a rule, a mother of similar children is on maternity leave for about four years, and not twice for three years, when the difference between children is greater. In addition, a mother of the same age perfectly remembers every stage of the child’s development, which greatly simplifies caring for her second child.

Minuses. According to many parents, such children are rarely planned. Often the news of a second child comes as a shock to both spouses. They have just begun to learn the basics of parenthood and are simply not psychologically prepared for another pregnancy. However, a child conceived in a prosperous family living happily, as a rule, is given life.

Since the young mother’s body has not yet fully recovered from the first pregnancy, the second may have complications. Actually, obstetricians-gynecologists believe that the optimal rest period for a woman between pregnancies is 2-3 years.

In addition, caring for the weather at the first stage requires a lot of physical resources from the mother. Children require attention simultaneously and categorically: both need to be bathed, fed, rocked to sleep. The ideal option is grandparents who will temporarily take care of the older child.

It is believed that the birth of the same year becomes a real test for the love between husband and wife. Both mom and dad have been living at the limit of their physical and emotional capabilities for a long time. This leads to conflicts and it is very important to find a balance that will help preserve the family.

Having children 1-2 years apart becomes stressful for a working mother. She fears that she will irrevocably lose her qualifications, and that her honors diploma and bright prospects will be unclaimed.

Age difference between children 2-4 years

Pros. It is this age difference between children that experts consider optimal. Children are still united by many interests characteristic of this age. Moreover, the older child is already able to take care of himself. He knows how to eat on his own, dress himself, invent a game and follow its script. The younger one, in turn, carefully watches the older one and copies his actions. It has been noticed that second children with a difference of 2-4 years are more intelligent and developed.

The first child is responsible for the younger one; he can be trusted to look after him while his mother does housework.

Considering that female body It takes about 2 years to prepare for a new pregnancy; from a physiological point of view, now is the time to give birth to a second baby.

Minuses. The older child often feels jealous of the younger one. Parents will have to learn to give love to their children in equal proportions so that neither of them feels deprived. Otherwise they may get hurt.

For a woman dreaming of a career, this age difference is not the most the best option. Just came out of maternity leave Having restored business contacts and adjusted to the fulfillment of her professional needs, she is forced to apply for child care again.

Age difference between children 5-7 years

Pros. A mother can care for a newborn without being torn between both children. After all, the first child went to school, he is independent, more or less reasonable. While the elder is in class, the young mother is caring for the baby. It is possible to accompany a first-grader to school and meet him, which is often a big problem for working parents.

I'm 7 years older. All my hobbies were sacrificed, since it was hard for my mother with a stroller to take me to dancing, singing, etc., and then, when I grew up and could already go to clubs and sections myself, again everything was not, thank God, because my mother did not I had time to pick up my sister from work at kindergarten.

However, in the afternoon, the mother will have to be able to find time for both children: feed the younger one, help the older one with homework.

By the way, such an age difference will allow both children to be educated. The financial burden of children's education will not be too heavy if there is a 5-7 year gap between the children.

The first child can be a great helper for mom. Unless he's jealous, of course.

Minuses. Most likely, children 5-7 years apart will not play together - they are too different intellectual development, Interests and hobbies.

It is very important for parents to be able to devote time to both children: the eldest is experiencing problems, he is under stress and really needs the support of mom and dad. A lot depends on successful acclimatization: interaction with classmates, teachers, academic performance in general. Youngest child is at the peak of his development, he is like a sponge absorbing everything he sees, hears, feels. Mom and dad are like a beacon for him, showing the right course for development.

If parents fail to find a middle ground between the older and younger child, there is a high probability of jealousy and even hatred of the elder towards the younger.

Age difference between children 8-10 years

Pros. An older child can take care of himself: prepare breakfast or run the washing machine.

By the time their second child is born, parents have time to advance well in their careers, improve their living conditions, and see the world.

Minuses. For the first child, accustomed to the fact that the microcosm of the family revolves around him, information about the upcoming addition to the family will strike like thunder on a clear day. On his part, it is possible not only to display protest sentiments, but also outright aggression.

Children have no common interests. Moreover, an elder who is asked to babysit a child often perceives him as a burden. In the future, they will vie for their parents' attention and compete in achievements. Chances are that children with such an age difference will never be particularly close.

Parents have long forgotten the basics of caring for newborns. And the vision for many things has radically changed and improved. Therefore, mom often catches herself thinking that she is going through this stage all over again.

Age difference in children is more than 10 years

Pros. A late child becomes an outlet for parents, because the eldest has grown up, he is eager to go outside, to be with his peers. He almost doesn’t need his parents’ communication now. Some spouses have a hard time with the so-called “rupture of the energetic umbilical cord.” The second child, 10 or more years after the birth of the first child, allows them to direct all their love and tenderness to the newborn. In addition, the birth of a second baby gives the couple the opportunity to feel young again.

Minuses. It is unlikely that children will be united by brotherly and sisterly feelings. There is a gap of more than 10 years between them.

Of course, all these nuances are quite conditional and largely depend on the environment in which children will grow up. The main thing is that children are healthy physically and psychologically, and for this they need, first of all, parental love.

All the pros and cons different options

When thinking about the appearance of the next baby in the family, a mother should have a good idea of the natural rhythm of childbirth, which is destined for humans by nature. Today we would like to touch upon the topic of the optimal age difference between children as delicately as possible.

1. Children of the same age

Women who have a positive experience of giving birth and raising their first child and are not afraid of difficulties prefer to give birth to a second child 1-2 years after the first. In addition, it is easier for them to immediately go through the difficult stage of caring for babies than to return to the exhausting rhythm of life again after a few years. In this case, it is convenient to raise children: they play together, learn to speak and walk almost simultaneously, and they can also go to the same kindergarten group or class at school, where they will help each other. Mom can return to work 3-4 years after maternity leave and continue to build a career.

Raising children of the same age can be compared to raising twins, the main difficulty of which lies in the constant physical and emotional fatigue of the mother. She has to devote a lot of time to the baby, while the older child also requires attention and care. Insufficient emotional connection between the child and mother during this period negatively affects the development of basic trust in the world. In such a situation, the help of grandmothers or a nanny will be very useful. But in a few years, when the children grow up sociable, with common interests, and able to find compromises in a team, it will become much easier for mom.

2. Difference 3-4 years

Psychologists consider this age difference to be the most successful for both children and parents. Mom has time to enjoy raising her first child, give him enough love and care, send him to kindergarten, and only then give him a brother or sister. In addition, her body has time to fully recover between births. Clothes and shoes are passed on from the eldest child to the youngest, which is also a kind of saving of the family budget.

At the age of 3-4 years, the child really wants to get a brother or sister, and subsequently takes great pleasure in caring for and raising the baby. You can avoid jealousy in a child with the help of preparatory conversations even during the mother’s pregnancy, then the first-born will know how to behave correctly. Difficulties in relationships between children may arise when the first-born goes to school, as he develops new life- school, and the youngest still lives in his children's world. If an older child likes to play “school” with a younger one, this will somewhat soften the tense situation and bring the children closer together.

3. The difference is 5-8 years

Parents who are older and more experienced are planning to have a second child more than five years apart, and are now more consciously approaching raising children. In such families, the first-born willingly compromises and gives way to the youngest child, since it is already clear who is the youngest and who is the eldest in the family, so there are no disagreements. A mother takes care of her youngest child along with her firstborn, which helps build trusting relationship between them. Moreover, fewer demands are placed on the older child, and he is less likely to be criticized by his parents.

Conflicts, unfortunately, sometimes arise on the basis of different interests. Children cannot play together, but they are brought together by reading books, watching films and different types creative activities (drawing, modeling, putting together puzzles, etc.). A crisis in children's relationships occurs when the eldest child becomes a teenager, they move away from each other, and everyone lives in the interests of their peers. The main advantage of this difference is that the younger child will always support and protect the older one, keeping common secrets secret from the parents.

4. The difference is more than 9 years

Parents in this case face a big problem when the eldest child openly protests against the birth of a brother or sister. It is difficult for a child, who for so many years was the only and beloved one in the family, to get used to the idea that now he will not occupy the main place in the life of his parents. Children with such a large age difference are born into a newly created family, and grow up as only children. They develop well cognitive processes, intelligence and Creative skills, since there was an opportunity to communicate with parents one on one.

Children with such differences are united by joint conversations and walks, and the opportunity for the older child to give advice and solve the problems of the younger one. The firstborn will always be a role model and a reason to be proud younger brother or sisters. In addition, the younger one receives another parent in the person of the older one, and their relationship is built on the teacher-student principle. Relationships between children become truly close only when the children grow up.

Age difference of children 2-4 years

Children with a small age difference have common interests. Psychologists say that this difference in the ages of children is better than others. The interests of children, just like those of their age, are the same, and they can easily make friends. At the same time, the firstborn is already able to take care of himself. He learned to eat, dress, and invent games without outside help. The younger child watches him and repeats his actions.
An older brother (sister) can help mom and look after the little one while she is busy with household chores. He takes this seriously.
Children born 2-4 years after the first are smart and talented.
A woman’s body needs 2 years to prepare for a second pregnancy. Obstetricians-gynecologists advise choosing just such a period: the difference in the age of the children, in their opinion, should be about 3 years.

Children with an age difference of 2-4 years often envy each other. The main disadvantage is the jealousy of the older child towards the baby. If adults cannot learn to pay the same amount of attention to children, without singling out a “favorite,” and to give love to both, then problems can be avoided. But often this does not happen: the children’s relationships are spoiled, sometimes for life. Eternally competing sisters, stealing each other's boyfriends and taking revenge for unknown reasons, probably have exactly this age difference.
A young mother who does not want to give up her career aspirations after the birth of her children will have a difficult time. As soon as she returns from maternity leave, begins to restore contacts, and sometimes practically re-learn the profession, since in some areas a lot can change in a few years, she goes on maternity leave again. Efforts must be made so that the career is not ruined.

Age difference of children 5-7 years

If the age difference between the children is quite large, the mother does not need to be torn. The first-born became a schoolboy, reasonable and completely independent. He spends part of the day in classes, so the mother can devote more time to her second baby and not feel much stress while caring for the newborn. At the same time, the student also does not feel deprived: he is served breakfast in the morning, met after class in the afternoon, and helped with his homework. If a woman returned from maternity leave, this would become more difficult to implement.
The first child can become a parent's assistant. The main thing here is to prevent jealousy.
The age difference of 5-7 years is quite large. Parents have the ability to pay for both children's education without the burden becoming unduly onerous. For many families, making two payments each year at once is not easy.

A five-year age difference between children is convenient for parents, but it is important to pay attention to the older child.
Probably, a newborn and a schoolchild will not play together. And later their interests are unlikely to coincide: interests, intellectual development, social circle - they have almost everything different.
It is important for parents to pay enough attention to their firstborn. He is going through a difficult period: adapting to new conditions, starting to go to school. The child is stressed and in dire need of adult support. If the baby becomes the head of the family, then the older child develops resentment towards his parents, jealousy, and often anger towards his brother or sister.

Age difference between children 8-10 years

If the age difference between the children is 8-10 years, the older child is able to help his mother. At 8-10 years old, a child is by no means helpless. He can heat up and even cook his own food and wash his clothes. He does not need to be taken out of school; he can be given some degree of freedom.
Parents manage to improve their financial situation and move up the career ladder by the time their second child is born. Caring for a baby does not become a heavy burden for them. They managed to see the world, learn to find compromises, and treat the birth of a child responsibly.

Ten-year age difference: the eldest child is also still small. When the child was the only one in the family, he had the feeling that the world revolved exclusively around him. If parents have another baby, it will be a tragedy: the usual picture will change. Selfishness provokes protest, and sometimes open aggression. Mom and dad, who are about to inform their child about the imminent birth of a baby, will probably face a difficult struggle for peace in the house.
The children have no common interests. And the mother shouldn’t expect help from the elder either: the baby is a burden for him: it’s better to go out with friends than to sit with the newborn.
Children with an age difference of 8-10 years will most likely never be close. At the same time, they will compete with each other, envy, and be jealous. All their lives, sometimes such people are destined to fight for the attention - approval, love - of their parents.
Mom and dad will have to relearn how to care for a baby: the skills have long been lost. For parents, the birth of a second child will be something completely new.

The age difference between children is more than 10-12 years

When there is a big difference between the children, the mother may feel younger.
These children become like “the only two” for their parents. The eldest child has already become an established personality for them. It is important that they allow him to distance himself from the worries of the family and do not impose caring for the baby. Help doesn’t hurt, and firstborns often help adults, but don’t forget that the daughter (son) is going through a difficult time. transition period. It is difficult both physically (girls begin their menstrual cycle) and mentally. A teenager needs to find his place in society, life and Small child shouldn't take up all his time.
You should also not perceive the younger child as an “outlet”, avoiding difficulties in relationships with the older one, otherwise a gap may arise between the parents and the teenager, which will then be difficult to bridge.
The birth of a baby to a couple 10 or more years after the birth of their first child is a wonderful event. They can feel like young parents and relive the joy of a toddler’s first step.

An older child may not understand his parents if his age difference with the younger one is large.
There may not be any kindred feelings between children with a significant age difference. In any case, the older child will become more likely to be an aunt or uncle of the younger one than a brother or sister.

This is just a probable development of events. Life may turn out differently. Much depends on the characteristics of the family and the development of children.

It is worth noting that when a family has not two children, but more, relationships develop differently. There is no longer any confrontation between the two children, but this does not mean that maintaining peace in the house is easier.