In modern society, gender roles have changed a lot, but most of the friends I know still want to be behind a man in a relationship, like behind a stone wall. And how to become this wall?
1. Be a safe haven. Sometimes a woman wants to cry on your shoulder. When she does this, don't look at her with confusion and say something like, "Hey, what's wrong?" Don't you dare say you'll hug her when you beat this video game level. You need to be near her right away and immediately begin to console her. You must be a true bastion of calm, strength and understanding. When she is in your arms, she should feel completely safe, as if nothing in the world could harm her. Let her know that it's okay to show feelings by directing all your attention to her. The same applies to your children. When they feel bad and when they need you, you should immediately be there.
2. Unravel the problem. Often a woman feels worried about some problem. Her feelings and thoughts are confused into a huge knot. Your job is to slowly unravel this problem. There is no need to propose a solution at random from the very beginning. Instead, ask her questions: what exactly worries her, what is she worried about. Be interested and attentive to what she says. She really wants to talk the problem over with someone. Ask questions, she will answer you - and perhaps this is how a solution to her problems will be born.
3. Come up with a plan... or don't. There is a popular cliché: if a woman tells you about her problem, you don’t have to solve it. Sometimes this is what you need to do, but not always.
The real truth is that you shouldn't offer a solution as soon as she opens her mouth. As I said, unraveling the problem, putting everything into perspective is exactly what your friend needs, just to discuss her problems. So ask her directly: “Do you need help solving this problem? Or do you just want to discuss?”
If she is interested in the solution, this is where you can shine. Develop an action plan to help your friend solve the problem. If necessary, explain to her that everything is simple, that you will take responsibility and arrange everything. For example, your friend comes to you crying and says that she has a lot to do and also needs to work. You must answer: “This is what we will do. I take the dog to the vet, then I take packages to the post office, and then I change the oil. You just need to finish your job. Focus on this and I'll take care of the rest."
When you see that your friend is sick, buy medicine. If she finds it difficult to make a decision, sit down next to her and write out all the pros and cons in front of her.
Never say, "Don't worry about it." She is already worried, so it is clear that the problem is significant to her. Saying this will only make her angry and make her think that you think she can't tell the difference between what's important and what's not. Instead, say, “I’ll take care of everything myself.”
You'll be sad later. If tragic events occur that affect the entire family, let everything rest on you. Take care of all the things that need to be taken care of. If your friend can't get out of bed, cook food, clean up, or talk to people, do it for her.
I know: someone will say that holding back feelings is harmful and unhealthy. It's not that you have to lock them away. Must follow old rule: women and children ahead. They can give up. Then, when they recover, you can give in too.
This doesn't mean you shouldn't experience genuine emotions. You naturally have feelings, but you are also responsible for your family. Sometimes you can shed tears with your wife: it is important for her to know that you are grieving too. But there are situations when you need to be strong, you need to pull yourself together and lead the family forward.
Express emotions in a mature and healthy way. Being a stone wall does not mean having no emotions. Always lock your feelings inside - difficult path. This will not add stability to your relationship, but will only make you vulnerable to more serious troubles.
Women are afraid of relationships for many reasons. Will he abuse her? Will he be faithful? Will he be able to provide for his family? Is he capable of taking responsibility? If you hide your feelings from your friend, her fear will only grow. So being a stonewall means expressing your emotions and worries in a healthy, sober way. This will only strengthen your relationship.
This is especially important to remember when you and your friend are going through a difficult period. At such times, you want not to be a wall, but to build a wall between you. However, a quarrel is a period of greatest sensitivity in a relationship, so conflict is best time to show her that she has nothing to fear. Don't threaten to leave her, don't lose control. Speak calmly.
Take care of everything. To be a stone wall is to be reliable in both big and small things. It is important for a woman that you do not only something super significant, but also everyday ordinary things. If you are reliable every day, you will be reliable on special occasions.
Taking care of business means doing whatever makes your friend feel confident. Have ambitions at work, keep a budget, plan your free time, stay physically healthy, etc. This means that you can be trusted one hundred percent; if you say “I will do it,” then you do it.
It’s good to have a man behind you like a stone wall. It’s bad if every now and then you have to dive behind this very back.
"Protection and support"
We all want to feel protected by a strong man. To walk hand in hand with your beloved in the evening - and not be afraid of hooligans from the gateway, to go hiking along mountain paths, knowing that support is nearby. Cutting through the leaden river waters on a boat: you are at the stern, your beloved is at the oars, reliable and brave. And, no matter what happens, he will save.
But in the modern world, mountains and heavy waves rarely threaten defenseless girls; thanks to progress, comfort and safety have become the norm. And dragons no longer kidnap, because they have hatched. However, the girls continually suffer from clashes with the outside world: either the cashier in the store looked askance, or a colleague made a sarcastic joke for the hundredth time. The girls get upset and complain to the defender, if there is one... And one of the reaction options follows, each of which deserves attention.
Silence + comfort
You sadly tell how some villain overtook you and cut you off on the highway. Then an angry dog barked on the street. And a stranger in the crowd crushed her foot and didn’t apologize...
The beloved listens, sternly faces, sighs, hugs. “Would you like me to pour a glass of wine and run a bath?” he asks. He pours wine, adds aromatic oil to the bath, then takes you in his arms. “It’s okay, baby, it was a hard day, it’s already over.”
Actually, it would be a sin to dream of more. Support has been provided, and there is no need to pout, saying: “These are just words and a glass of wine.” What else can you expect? That a man would rush to look for a car hooligan, an angry dog and a clumsy pedestrian? Don't anger God, compassion, and caring is the jackpot.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
In the morning it’s unfair and offensive to you. The customer added some negativity to the lunch. By the evening, my friend had turned her up to white heat...
Of course, the chosen one got you in a bad mood - whiny or aggressive. And he carefully finds out the details: what exactly the boss said, how you reacted and why. And then, owning more or less reliable information, gives advice: what to give up on, what to keep in mind in the future, what actions to refrain from.
It’s nice, yes... But you expected something else, some decisive actions and “real masculine actions.” Stop, cool down. It’s easier to just break the firewood, but here’s how to clear away these rubbles later. Judge for yourself: if your beloved begins to sort things out with your boss, you will lose your job, but you are guaranteed to have problems with employment. If a lover attacks a client and a girlfriend, the minus is the girlfriend and the client, but the plus is a lot of litigation and conflicts. Your man is doing the right thing by not rocking the boat. If he also has the skills of a psychotherapist or is simply wise, you are generally lucky.
"And you? And he? Guard!"
You quarreled with a colleague. Or got into a fight with a friend. Or maybe a random commentator on social networks struck a chord. And you're done - you're bubbling, overflowing the banks, your hand reaches for the valerian...
Your condition was not hidden from your chosen one, they say: “Tell me, my love, what happened.” And you go back into battle - gesturing, expending emotions. Your knight sincerely takes part: “And you? Well done, that's it! And he? Wow! Yes, for this a candelabra hit me in the head!”
It's bad, no good. You relived the negative, the man “wrote” until your hands were shaking, but the situation was not resolved essentially. Well, he said that you were right, he felt better for a second... In fact, your war remained yours.
If this happens again and again, think about it. Usually the role of witness to other people's fights is chosen by weak, emotionally poor people. They cannot survive the same intensity of emotions, out of cowardice they avoid conflicts, but they also want “hot” things. The easiest way is to wind loved one to hell and his seething energy.
The prospects are not good: you will soon be squeezed dry by this repeated pressure. After all, a man is needed for support and protection; it’s not without reason that they talk about a strong man’s shoulder.
"You are the one to blame"
It also happens: no matter what happens, your beloved blames you for everything. He is probably right, there is a certain conflict in you that always leads. If so, other people, such as parents and friends, will confirm your “explosiveness” - it’s time to do something about it.
It is much more alarming if everything is within normal limits with your character, and conflicts happen because we do not live in a vacuum and not among Buddhist monks. But when a collision with harsh reality occurs, your knight brushes it off, saying: “Don’t get into trouble yourself.” Does anything need to be explained? What kind of “stone wall” is there? The person just doesn't care.
“Peace is only a dream”
You yourself are not averse to starting another squabble and getting into the thick of things. Not a girl, but a mixture of a poltergeist and a hand grenade. Wherever he appears, there will certainly be intrigue and scandals. You probably don’t realize it yourself, you’re just amazed at how evil everyone around you is.
You tell your boyfriend or husband any conflict, even the most minor one, diving behind his back. And he is a hot-tempered person, trying to find offenders and settle scores. He calls your girlfriends with whom you had a disagreement and arranges a debriefing. He threatens colleagues with whom you have entered into a confrontation. And even on girl forums, where you hone your wit, he arranges a vendetta - he writes nasty things to your opponents and promises revenge.
Bad, very bad. From the outside, of course, you seem to be fighters for the truth, in your eyes he is a gentleman, and you are “all in white.” But, firstly, smart people tend to avoid conflicts. And even avoid direct insults - because not all wars need to be won, and it’s more expensive for yourself to get involved with stupid people. And the second and most important thing is that it’s not good for a man to get involved in women’s squabbles every now and then. Regardless of whether his ladylove is right or wrong, participating in verbal altercations is not masculine behavior. Otherwise, he is not a gentleman at all, but an ordinary “market woman,” as the heroine of a humorous play said.
Before you cry for help, consider whether you are “setting up” your defender. A series of aggressive, ugly scenes with your participation does not speak in your favor. Yes, sometimes conflict cannot be avoided, but these are isolated cases. Smart adults know how to negotiate without aggravating relationships. If you can't do that, grow up and learn. After all, when a man stands up for you, it looks unimportant from all sides.
- It turns out that you are small and unreasonable, unable to be responsible for your words and actions.
- It turns out that he is not very smart and is not a gentleman at all.
- It turns out that he can get into an unpleasant situation: he will receive a response in full and beyond that.
The most important purpose of the stronger sex in a relationship with a woman is to be a source of spiritual and psychological fulfillment, so-called internal support, without which she loses her foothold and does not feel confident in life. It's nice to know that in difficult times you can hide behind a man's stone back. It’s unpleasant if you provoke these moments every now and then.
We all want our man to be strong, confident, decisive, successful, and at the same time sensitive and attentive. But at the same time, we make a lot of mistakes that do not contribute to improving relations in the family, and, moreover, do not help our husband turn from an ordinary man into a Real hero. The person we admire and behind whom we feel like behind a stone wall.
In a couple of years family life I began to be disappointed in my husband, for a couple of years he regularly heard complaints from me like: “You used to be different, why are you so insecure now? Why don't you solve problems, and I have to solve everything myself? Etc."
Apparently, at some point I was so annoying to my husband with my eternal claims and statements that I bear everything to myself and decide everything myself, that he could not stand it and said: “And I decide. You yourself don’t let me decide anything! Whatever decision I make, you will either do everything your own way, or you will criticize what I propose.".
How much indignation arose in me then! And that my husband is wrong, and that all I do is dream that he would make at least one decision, and of course I wouldn’t miss such a significant moment, and that lately I can’t get decisive action from him, and I’m forced take responsibility for the family.
And, of course, I told my husband everything. To which he paused and said: “You see, you’re not even ready to listen to me now. You want it to always be your way. I can give two examples when I made a decision today, and you said that we would do it differently.”
The examples he spoke about were clearly not in my favor, and to be completely honest, they unpleasantly shocked me. And it would be nice if these were just two examples. My subconscious began to bring to light more and more new situations in which I interrupted my husband and insisted on my own, in which I simply did not wait for my husband to decide something, and even worse, when I did something my own way, knowing in advance what the beloved is against.
My husband’s words made me think about why this is happening? Why does a woman who dreams of a strong, confident, decisive man behave in such a way that her actions and actions in no way contribute to everything she dreams of? This woman was me, and I became very interested in understanding the root cause of my behavior, and only then developing new habits that will lead to the desired result.
“I’m not very pleased to see these habits in myself and talk about it, but you’re right.” Now I saw myself from the outside, and I felt ashamed of myself. Please forgive me and help me if you can. I want to develop a new habit of listening to you and accepting your decisions. I want to become a real woman who lives with her husband as if behind a stone wall, admires him, knows how to listen and accept his decisions. Can you help me?
- Of course, what about me?- said my beloved.
- Tell me again how those situations manifested themselves in which you made decisions, but I did not hear you and insisted on my own. Or when you decided and did something, and I was unhappy.
“I don’t remember all the situations, let’s look at what happened today.” I’m calling you and telling you that I couldn’t find this and that in the store, and that I need to do the following. You interrupt in response and say that no, we won’t do it this way, but this way.
- Wait, I remember all this. But where was your decision? You didn’t decide anything, you just said that you didn’t find anything and that it was better to do it differently. But you didn't say that you decided anything.
—Why? I told you what I would do.
- But you didn’t say that “I decided, we will do this”!! Listen, this is the reason - we speak different languages, and I don’t understand your language and, accordingly, I don’t hear what you say.
- Maybe. This is often what happens. I tell you how I will act and solve some problem, you don’t listen to the end, you offer your solution, you insist on it. If I do things my way, you start to swear and criticize.
- Yes, there is such a thing. Thank you very much for your help, my love. Thanks for talking to me. Can you help me a little more?
- Tell me about what.
“When you make decisions, you could speak in such a way that I could understand it.” For example: “I decided”, or “I made a decision”, etc. I need to learn to hear you and stop in time so as not to start doing everything myself.
- Ok, I'll try.
Many years have passed since that long-ago conversation, but even today I periodically remember it so as not to go back. My beloved actually learned to say something like this especially for me: “Especially for my beloved - I made my manly decision, we will do this and that”. I learned “not to go ahead of my dad into the hell”, to listen and accept what my husband decided, with rare exceptions when I really fundamentally disagree with something. But even here I began to speak not in a decisive voice, but to express my doubts. Read about how to talk to a man and how to understand him better in the article by the famous author Rashid Kirranov “How to talk to a man so that he understands you”.
Result: I became truly happy with the happiness that is called female happiness. This is when you are relaxed, calm, in an even state of mind, because you know that everything will be fine. That there is a Man, there is a wall and protection, there is a Provider and a Hero - and he will do everything, he can do everything, he will solve everything. Of course, this does not mean at all that I sit at home all day, do nothing, look out the window and wait for my Hero to come and start urgently doing and deciding everything. No, of course there is no such thing. We live the same way, we also have problems and difficult life situations, I work, communicate with friends, relatives, colleagues, and everything happens as before, with the only difference that I have complete peace in my soul and have no desire to be “the main, the first, the strong, the decisive,” in general, a man in skirt
But before I became such a woman and before my husband again turned into a Real Hero, and happiness and mutual understanding appeared in our family, I worked on several aspects of myself. Now I will share them with you.
In my case, I realized that one of the main reasons that I thought that my husband was not deciding anything was precisely the lack of understanding of what and how he said. It seemed to me that he was simply arguing that it would be nice to do this and that. In fact, as he later told me, he showed respect for me so that I would be aware of our affairs, so that I would not think that he did not take my opinion into account.
Therefore, the first thing I began to do was to clarify at some points: “Is this your decision, or are you just reasoning?” Plus I asked him to speak more clearly for me.
Secondly, I have long noticed that women understand what is happening much faster. And when the man just started to think about the situation and think about what to do, the woman immediately gives out ready-made solution. Of course, most often such a decision, as later life shows, turns out to be wrong (there are exceptions, but these are only exceptions). The thing is that we don’t have enough time, and most importantly, patience, to think everything over, thoroughly weigh the pros and cons, calculate the strategy and analyze the consequences. But in difficult circumstances, we don’t think about it, we are overwhelmed with emotions, because we are women, and we demand an urgent decision from a man. If he is not ready to answer us in 1 second, we immediately give out the first solution that arises in our brain and begin to push it through. And then we also blame the husband for being uninitiative and not getting any active action from him.
Therefore, the second thing I began to do was learn to remain calm in some crisis and difficult situations. It turned out to be much easier than I thought. You just need a few days, or better yet weeks, to think about such events for a few minutes and observe your behavior as if from the outside. Remember how you behaved emotionally and what consequences such behavior brought. And then imagine the same situation and visualize an image in which I behave the way I would like. That is, stay calm and turn to your husband for support. Or, if he himself is aware of the problem, then simply be able to endure and expect decisive action from him. Ask him after some time: “Darling, what have you decided? How should we proceed? What do you think we should do in this situation? And what will you do? What should I do?
Then I visualized that I was listening to my husband silently, calmly, without interrupting or objecting. Then 
I weigh his words, imagine what the result will be if we act in the suggested way.
You know, after I mastered this science of listening to my husband, our life became many times simpler, easier and happier. I have come to terms with the fact that men are brilliant life strategists. And I realized that if a woman is wise and patient enough, knows how to inspire her man and support his decisions and initiative, then everything will be fine in the family.
Yes, it happens that a man makes mistakes too. It happens that he makes a very big mistake and his decision turns out to be wrong. But if we take it in general, a man is 100% wrong in about 15-20% of cases, and a woman is much, much more likely.
Listening to my husband, acting as he began to suggest in some difficult circumstances, these situations began to be resolved calmly and harmoniously, although not as quickly as I would like. But I managed to cope with this too. I just began to trust my husband and Life in general. And the more I trusted, the more I behaved like a Woman, and not like a man in a skirt, the simpler and easier everything began to happen. And I liked it.
That's why, third, what I began to do in order to consolidate the result obtained was to understand why I behaved according to male type behavior? And here the parent program raised its head. In our family on the maternal side, all the women behaved actively, decisively, and assertively. In all the women of our kind that I remember and know, and this is my grandmother and my mother, masculine energies and a masculine type of behavior prevailed and prevail. Of course, men cannot prosper with such women. My grandmother’s husband was a strong man, and my grandmother failed to turn him into a soft and pliable husband. But also happy family
But, despite my love for my grandfather, I absorbed my grandmother’s behavior, since I lived with them for a long time. Plus, my mother behaved, and still behaves, in exactly the same way towards my father. All decisions in my parents’ family are made by my mother. If the father does something on his own, makes a decision and shows initiative, it is criticized, remade, plus he loudly expresses to everyone how crazy his ideas are and that he cannot do anything normally.
Naturally, my behavior in the first years of family life was exactly the same as that of women of my kind. I decided, showed myself actively according to the male type, criticized my husband’s actions and decisions, did everything my own way, and then accused my husband of being lacking initiative and unable to do anything. But, as I wrote above, this situation did not suit me in any way, and I began to thoroughly work on parental programs. Fortunately, I also had a husband strong man and did not allow himself to be commanded, resisted as best he could, and as a result, he finally got through to me and my programs. You can read in detail about how to work them out in the book. “How to make a man get off the couch, or Secrets of happy women” and in articles on the “Sunny Hands” website, I will write briefly here. Having seen in myself all the programs and behavioral habits of my mother and grandmother that did not lead me to a happy family life, I began to pour out and erase them from my subconscious and form new ones. I forgave my mother and grandmother, then I began to forgive myself for not behaving very nicely towards my loved one. Then she formed new image, visualized and lived it in the subconscious. I asked myself what kind of woman I would like to be. I tried to find an example of such behavior among my friends. By the way, this turned out to be very difficult, because... In our environment, almost everyone lives like this. But luck smiled on me, my husband’s friend got married, and over time we became family friends. The wife of my husband’s friend turned out to be a real embodiment of the true Woman. Communication with her opened up a completely new world for me, a world in which you fulfill your destiny to be a Woman, and your man to be a Man.
It took several years to develop parenting programs, but the result was worth it! And now, when I am writing this article, the only thing I want to wish you is not to listen to anyone and not to be embarrassed to be a Woman. Do not think that a real Woman is a weak and weak-willed creature. This is wrong. A real woman is a Woman who has the wisdom and courage to recognize the feminine essence in herself and discard the stereotypes of society and fashion trends. For having been born women, we will be happy only when we accept our essence within ourselves. Our femininity and feminine energy will contribute to the development of our Man, will support him in difficult trials and will only help him become stronger, more confident and more successful.
Good luck to you and success on the path of finding yourself and your family happiness with a real man!
Sincerely, Anastasia Gai.
like behind a stone wall- Under reliable protection... Dictionary of many expressions
To live behind someone, like behind a stone wall. See SERVICE DISCLAIMER... IN AND. Dahl. Proverbs of the Russian people
Like (as if, exactly) behind a stone wall- Razg. Express Under reliable patronage and protection; under the constant care of someone (to live). Yes, we are behind you like behind a stone wall, if only you were healthy, we will not accept need (Melnikov Pechersky. In the forests) ... Phraseological Dictionary of the Russian Literary Language
LIKE BEHIND A STONE WALL- who to be; live, feel completely safe, under protection, under reliable protection. This means that a person (usually a woman) or a social group (X) does not have problems and difficulties in life, since all the care is about her (him) ... ... Phraseological Dictionary of the Russian Language
EXACTLY BEHIND THE STONE WALL- who to be; live, feel completely safe, under protection, under reliable protection. This means that a person (usually a woman) or a social group (X) does not have problems and difficulties in life, since all the care is about her (him) ... ... Phraseological Dictionary of the Russian Language
Peaceful, tranquil, safe, calm, peaceful, like a god in his bosom, calm, serene, quietly peaceful, carefree, serene, peaceful Dictionary of Russian synonyms. like Christ has in his bosom adverb, number of synonyms: 15 ... Synonym dictionary
Wed. Solomin not only could not lie or boast, but he could be relied on like a stone wall. He won't give it away. Turgenev. New. 2, 25. Wed. I would like to place her... for good man; so then she will be, at least, like behind a stone... ... Michelson's Large Explanatory and Phraseological Dictionary
Rules of conduct in a crowd: how to survive during a crush- The emergence of panic or general spontaneous aggression, the cause of which may be general hysteria provoked by mass protest, or fear caused by a fire or other disaster; or an overly emotional football match and much more,... ... Encyclopedia of Newsmakers
Inside buildings. O. is mainly applied to buildings intended for human occupancy, but it is also installed in buildings for other purposes, such as: in greenhouses, in premises for animals (non-climatized or of high value) and in ... ... Encyclopedic Dictionary F.A. Brockhaus and I.A. Efron
Books
- Kiss Me, Kill Me, Brennan Ellison. Lucy Kincaid's long-term dream of becoming an FBI agent was shattered - the admissions committee rejected her application. And now it seems to her that her life has been thrown into the trash, the fruits of seven years...
- Kiss Me, Kill Me, Brennan E. Lucy Kincaid's decades-long dream of becoming an FBI agent has been shattered when the admissions committee rejected her application. And now it seems to her that her life has been thrown into the trash, the fruits of seven years...
What is "LIKE BEHIND A STONE WALL"? How to spell this word correctly. Concept and interpretation.
LIKE BEHIND A STONE WALL who to be; live, feel completely safe, under protection, under reliable protection. This means that a person (usually a woman) or a social group (X) does not have problems and difficulties in life, since another person (usually a man or a boss) or another social group takes all care of her (him) (management) (Y), thereby providing them with a calm, trouble-free life. Spoken with approval. speech standard. ? X behind Y with Y like behind a stone wall. unism. As a nominal part of a tale. or obst. The order of the component words is fixed. “I understand that you’re angry, but you and I didn’t live so badly.” You did everything you wanted: work - you went to work, if you want to go to college, I will help you, you are behind me, like behind a stone wall. A. Rybakov, Children of Arbat. - Former regimental adjutant. Forsun. But at least the executive is in the rear. - You, says the military commissar, will be behind him like behind a stone wall. K. Fedin, Extraordinary Summer. - And German Fomich is generally a golden man. The expedition is behind him, like behind a stone wall. That's like a real boss! D. Veresov, The Cry of a Raven. But he’s not an alcoholic and loves her very much. And my friends probably whispered that it would be like behind a stone wall behind him. That is, in relative, by local standards, well-being. Ogonyok, 2001. He was a big businessman and a very wealthy man. With him I was like behind a stone wall. Ogonyok, 2000. “I have lived all my life behind Volodya as if behind a stone wall,” added Lydia Sergeevna. - And in the end - also, I took care... A. Tamantsev, Angle of attack. - What we have, we don’t keep; if we lose it, we cry... I wish I could live with Pospelov as if behind a stone wall! I would give birth to children! S. Alekseev, Aliens. Next to him, she was always as if behind a stone wall; she never felt confused, helpless, defenseless. Together they could solve any problems and overcome the most incredible difficulties. (Speech) The previous bosses had influence at the top, so we felt like we were behind a stone wall with him: no one stopped us from working. (Speech) cultural commentary: phraseology. goes back to the most ancient mythological form of awareness of the world - animistic, i.e. to the personification of the objective world: the image is based on the analogy “a house (more precisely, part of it - a wall) - a person.” The concept of “home” is related to one degree or another. the most important characteristics man, his life and his picture of the world. The house is the center of its own, mastered space. Among the ancient Slavs, the first crown of the log house, which divides the entire space into domestic and non-domestic, internal and external, has a special symbolic content. These views are reflected in the image of phraseology, the semantic basis of which is based on two archetypal, i.e., the most ancient in the cultural development of the world, oppositions: “one's own - someone else's”, “internal - external”. Home and family appear as a single whole, and it is characteristic that the word house itself in a number of Indo-European languages originally apparently meant not a residential structure, but a form public organization, family (Baiburin A.K. Ritual in traditional culture. St. Petersburg, 1993. P. 154), which also indicates the direct connection of the image of phraseology. with such an ancient archetypal opposition as “man - woman”. Phraseol component. “for”, indicating being behind, inside, correlates with the spatial code of culture, the stone component belongs to the natural landscape code, and the wall component correlates with the architectural and house-building code of culture. phraseol. contains a metaphor - likening, by analogy, a stone wall to someone who serves as a reliable protection, protects from worries, worries, sorrows, from difficulties, dangers of the outside world. In the form of phraseologists. found a display of ideas associated with the ritual of building a house. The activity of creating an artificial (cultural) habitat (settlement, house, etc.) is an important aspect of the functioning of the “man - nature” system. By installing the first crown of the frame of his house, a person not only realizes the plan of his home, but also divides the world into two “texts” with completely different meanings. Depending on where a person places himself - inside or outside, he evaluates the world around him differently. (Ibid. p. 154.) The world outside the walls of the house it appears alien, and therefore unknown, threatening and dangerous, which determines the importance of strengthening the border between “one’s own” and “alien” space, which is in the form of phraseology. found symbolic embodiment in the wall component, the main function of which is to provide impenetrability from the outside world. The choice of material - stone - indicates the strength and stability of the wall. All this in general is in phraseology. symbolically understood as “security, elimination of unwanted “contacts from the outside”.” Wed expression My home is my castle. The concept of home, one’s own world is closely connected with the concept of family, which also forms the image of phraseology. and conditioning its use - usually in relation to a man. The existence of an intrafamily hierarchy, supported by centuries-old tradition, is determined by the resigned submission of wives to their husbands. The male householder had exclusive power. The material well-being of the family depended entirely on the economic savvy and practical skills of the head of the family, on his skills and management. (Domnikov S.D. Mother Earth and Tsar City. Russia as a traditional society. M., 2002. P. 166.) The analogy “behind the husband - behind the stone wall” reveals the traditional, religiously sanctified roles and functions that are assigned to men and women in family relationships: a man is instructed to provide protection, security, support to his family (wife, woman) both materially and spiritually. see in folklore: I’ll fall for my husband, I’ll laugh at everyone, I’m not afraid of anyone; There is someone to stand up for the husband’s wife; U good husband and the wife is good; Honor your husband's wife like a cross on his head; A husband take care of his wife like a pipe in a bathhouse; A wife is good with her husband, but not a wife without her husband. phraseol. also occurs in the area of hierarchically ordered social relations, essentially repeating the family model: good, competent superiors (management) who care about their subordinates ensure prosperity for the entire team. phraseol. in general, it acts as a standard of complete security, absolute safety, and a prosperous life. Other European languages have similar figurative expressions; for example, in English - to be safe behind smb. as if behind a stone (brick) wall, smb. in reliable as a stone wall.
